deepcontemplator

thinking deeply about things that matter

Author: Suhas

  • Narcissism, self promotion, personal branding.. vices or reality?

    This is not a psychology post on narcissism or anything (and I am not qualified for that! 🙂 )

    For a long time I believed that narcissism, self promotion and personal branding are negatives and must be avoided or at least not actively engaged with.

    Though these are disparate concepts, they do have some common thread. They kind of revolve around self importance and self marketing aspects.

    What I want to discuss here is the mixed signals one receives regarding these topics and how to make sense of it.

    Narcissism

    In recent times there is lot of awareness about narcissism and how it is a toxic trait which damages relationships.

    And that is true.

    But equally important is the other aspect of it, as described in the book The Attributes by Rich Diviney. He argues that a healthy amount of narcissism is actually required to succeed in the world.

    You need to consider yourself important and worthy enough.

    That you matter.

    These are the foundations of self esteem. But a healthy amount of narcissism maybe needed at times. When you push yourselves ahead of everyone and nominate yourself for a challenging task.

    Of course anything taken to the extreme can be damaging to you and potentially those around you. But instead of shunning it completely, we need to engage with it with awareness.

    Self promotion

    Self promotion does not mean being a phony or advertising falsehoods. But you don’t need not shy away from being vocal about your achievements and journey.

    Without self promotion many people who might actually benefit from knowing or working with you will not even know that you exist.

    It is another way of putting yourself out there in the world. Being an advocate for yourself and guiding people to have a better understanding about the real you.

    Personal branding

    Again branding gets a bad rap as trying too hard or outright manipulative. Whether we like it or not, all of us already have a personal brand.

    The way people perceive us, our presence and talk about us.

    So a healthier approach is to acknowledge its presence, and take conscious steps to build a brand which more authentically reflects you and your values.

    Conclusion

    Overall, instead of completely dismissing these topics, we need to engage with them more responsibly. We need to audit where we stand on each of these aspects, and make conscious and responsible changes.

  • How to think about art

    It might be tempting to look at analyses of books, movies or any other work of art. This is specially useful as sometimes art can feel so esoteric so you want to understand what the whole noise is about!

    With Internet, there are a range of analysis videos now, which delve from the superficial to deep psychological or creative aspects.

    The existence of these analyses are definitely a blessing. It can sometimes give us a framework, or direction to think about when thinking about art.

    For example, a book analysis can throw light on the motivations of the characters, the sequences and the general message or theme. It is possible to read the entire book and miss the whole point!

    However, any art, according to me is also a personal story. The meaning of which is for you to interpret.

    It can differ from person to person, and with time, the way someone views a piece of art can differ even for the same person.

    While its helpful to rely on experts to understand how to look at art, our goal should be to build that muscle ourselves. Even with a book, it is useful at different points along the story to check with ourselves what we feel the theme or what the author is trying to convey.

    Then we can always look up online as to how other people have different interpretations of the same book.

    But eventually we need to find the meaning which resonates with us the most, based on our journey and experiences.

  • On consuming content

    There is so much content available these days, and pressure associated to keep up with it. You need to be abreast of popular culture, that TV show everyone is talking about, or the social media trend which seems to have become a craze.

    Sometimes lending an ear to the popular culture can be entertaining and be an escape from the monotony or boredom of daily life.

    However it can also turn us into a passive consumer of content. It might make it more difficult for us to listen to our own viewpoints and get in touch with what we believe.

    Or how we think the world works based on our experience.

    There is no harm in consuming content, which can be entertaining and relaxing after a long day at work.

    However it is more important perhaps to make time in the week to exercising your thinking and creativity as well.

    It is important to assimilate and integrate our life experiences and learnings as we go through life.

    To develop your original thought and point of view so that you can look at the world from your unique lens.

  • On hope.

    (v) to want something to happen or be true

    In a world filled with definites, hope can seem like a remnant from the past. Pragmatists may say hope is only wishful thinking.

    But there is always space for hope, and we need to hope even.

    How much ever of a results oriented, task focused, real world person you are, hope has its place. It is a basic human emotion, which even helps to survive tough situations even.

    Hope is the element which keeps us going when we feel we are unable to cope up with the difficulties of life. Even on easier days, hope is a pleasant breeze signaling the possibility of an eternal sunshine.

    Hope helps us build a future narrative of our life in line with our desires and values. With hope, we can see how our life overall makes sense.

    So even as we work in challenging situations and learn and grow, we should not forget to hope. To hope for a better future, for it gives us the courage and energy to keep pursuing on our path.

  • Who are you in competition with?

    Knowingly or unknowingly we can sometimes fall into the trap of competing with others. Maybe when someone casually mentions they travel at least once a month, we take it as our own goal. Or we start following someone’s lifestyle of excessive workouts and try to live up to their definition of a good workout.

    As long as you are conscious about the competitiveness, or about you falling into the FOMO (fear of missing out) trap, its okay. You know what you are getting into! 😉

    Many times it’s so subtle that we lose track of our selves and what we want to do with our lives.

    How we wish to spend our time, energy and money.

    A more fulfilling approach according to me, is to spend the time and effort to understand what really matters to you.

    What your purpose in life is, what your values are and what energizes you.

    You can then do an audit if you are spending your time, energy and money in line with what matters to you, according to you.

    You can see the areas where you are just following someone which is taking away from the things which actually matter to you. And once you have this clarity, you can go out and find your community.

    Finding a bunch of people with the same interests as you can be fun and gives a sense of community, You could also indulge in ‘healthy’ competition sometimes so that all of you get a boost towards your goals.

    So the next time you wish you had some activity or item someone has, take a pause. Think why this thing feels so attractive to you. Maybe its really something you wish for, or maybe its just the way someone is projecting it which makes want to have it as well.

  • What is your definition of enough?

    One of the things to think about in life is how much is enough for you?

    How many friends do you want? How many meaningful friendships you can really maintain? Or how big of a house you need? How many countries do you really want to visit and so on!

    You need to draw the line between hustling for more and being content with what you already have, or achieved. Modern culture wants us to believe we are always ‘incomplete’. We can keep getting better or acquire more things in a never ending quest,

    But at many things in life, being good enough, or even average will just do.

    It might be the best even.

    This is specially important if you have been constantly striving and achieving in one domain of your life. You might have started off on that path as you sorely lacked initially, but then you might lose sight of your rewards and never get to enjoy them.

    In this post The Art and Science of Spending Money, Morgan Housel mentions how, many people get into the mode of making more money and get stuck in it.

    Never having a chance to relax and spend the money, long after they have reached their goals.

    There is ample flex in pushing the goalpost further and further when you reach one.

    But it doesn’t have to be so.

    You don’t have to be a constant work in progress.

    You can be growing, yet valid and complete at the same time.

    So revel in the light when you reach your goals. Pat yourself for how far you have come.

    And maybe if you want, push for an even bigger goal.

    Or realize that its enough, and choose something new altogether.

  • About walking

    My most frequent fitness activity the past few months have been walking. I have always been a walker and have found immense peace and contentment just walking. My walking got some new meaning after I read in the book Sapiens how our forager ancestors used to spend much of their roaming in the forest gathering food. Hence, our brains have evolved to store much information about topology, paths and maps.

    Being in a city like Bengaluru which has great weather all year round, makes it even more pleasant to walk. I like exploring known paths, parks or sometimes wandering into totally new localities taking in all the hustle and bustle of the surroundings.

    The health benefits of walking are well known but here I want to discuss walking for its own sake.

    The perspective you get while walking is much different than driving through the same streets. You have to slow down to the limits of your body. You are forced to look at and navigate the space with other humans around. You get a closer view of the shops and houses that dot the streets.

    Walking slows you down to human pace. Hence opening you up for conversation and human interaction. I have had multiple people ask me directions, or help cross a high step on the footpath or generally grumble about speeding vehicles!

    At some level, walking is what makes us human. Obviously its not the most efficient way to get from point A to B. But once you remove the utilitarian view and stop ‘optimizing’ everything, you realize how walking for its own sake can be both enervating and exhausting.

  • Who do you disagree with?

    Its sometimes worthwhile to pause and spend some time reflecting on who you disagree with and why? It will better clarify to you, your own values and the way you want to lead your life.

    Of course disagreement does not have to mean an all out fight. In fact it can aid as a way to understand the world better and increase our empathy.

    As we go through the world, we are bound to face disagreements even if you actively avoid it. Hence a better strategy is to expect, embrace and maybe even invite healthy disagreements into your life.

    It is a sign of maturity to be able to hold conflicting ideas and see the merit in both. You need not side one way or the other but you can be empathetic and curious enough to understand opposing viewpoints.

    Real progress and breakthroughs happen when we are able to productively engage in conversations and sit with our disagreements.

    Disagreements and conflicts are bound to occur in any long standing relationship. Hence it becomes even more imperative to have a healthy relationship with disagreements and conflicts, and continually find ways to move ahead.

  • How easily can you adapt?

    A random fact about how humans can survive in the harshest climates of the Tundra to the Sahara deserts made me thinking. Though that’s an extreme example, humans are really quite adaptable.

    Unless we stop being so.

    Adaptability, resilience, openness to change are all interrelated.

    You can’t be adaptable unless you are open and willing to change. Resilience depends on how easily you can bounce back from setbacks and mold yourself to changed realities.

    Being adaptable is not a trait which comes easily to few. Once you get used to a particular lifestyle or even story, it can be really hard to change. Even when not changing is in fact being harmful or not working for you.

    I used to get flustered by even small changes. If my boxing instructor asked us to combine punches instead of following the set routine, I used to get frustrated. “Why can’t we just continue to do what we have been doing all this time?” 🙂

    However, understanding your own friction to change can hopefully open the doors for change as well. Just by realizing the difficulty and real work it takes to adapt to changes sometimes softens the problem.

    This podcast Why You Don’t Change (But How You Still Can) beautifully captures the difficulties involved in change and gently gives some suggestions. For me, the biggest takeaway was the realization was how change always entails giving up something, even if it was bad.

    Starting an exercise regimen, means you have to give up your old habits of eating junk food or not moving your body enough. By being aware of what the change entails, you can make a more practical decision if you want to pursue with the change. You realize that you are in control of your life, you can at any point decide to swap out these habits with healthier ones.

    Change is always hard. But by exercising change and being quite adaptable to changing circumstances, hopefully we get better at it with time.

  • Living life linearly

    Many a times we fall into the trap of living life in a linear fashion. Tying up the outcome of one event to another and building up a long chain of dependency. The ‘If this, then only that’, leads to being stuck in the same place. You find it difficult to move through anything.

    Our life is made up of different domains.

    Self, family, friends, work.

    Even though its one life and we are one being, these domains can be quite independent as well.

    Hence, its important to maintain the boundaries between these different life domains. We need to not let setbacks in one bleed to another.

    You can independently, gently push your agendas in each of these domains.

    A personal setback does not have to mean you skip that important event of your friend. A family argument does not necessarily have to impact your work.

    This is an important skill of – compartmentalization.

    Of course there can be events which are so overwhelming and their impact can cut through all areas of life. It is important to help yourself get through such difficult life events without imposing additional burdens of achievement.

    You don’t need to turn into a cold individual who endlessly pushes through goals as if setbacks and failures don’t impact you.

    Having a sense of compartmentalization and clear separation between different life areas in fact makes life more palatable and ‘livable’.

    On the same lines, you do not have to strictly adhere to a linear life where one thing leads to another. There is no timeline or predestined order of events you need to follow.

    Be aware of the freedom life gives us and be courageous to follow your own life order. You do not have to live by anyone’s definition of life and how its supposed to be lived, linearly.