deepcontemplator

thinking deeply about things that matter

Author: Suhas

  • How dance has helped me

    How dance has helped me

    A flyer pasted on my dance class notice board had in bold colorful lettering

    ‘Why do you dance? What do you feel when you dance?’ and the like.

    It was amusing when I saw it first, but I keep coming back to those questions every now and then. I used to learn dance over the weekends for close to three years and it has been more than a couple of years now since I returned. So it took some remembering when someone recently asked how dance has impacted me.

    Everyone’s journey in dance is different and so are its benefits. However for me the benefits have been clear as before –

    You learn how to hold yourself

    It can sound pretty basic. But any activity which increases body awareness, like dance, or yoga, makes you more conscious of your body structure and posture. By learning complex movements, you realize how effortful or effortless something can be. All this increased awareness just lets you have a better poise and presence.

    You get comfortable with falling (even literally)

    We used to try inversions like handstands, cart wheels every now and then. And for a beginner that just means lot of falling rather than doing an actual cartwheel.

    And then days, or weeks later you finally get hold of it and learn to do it with less thought. So you need to be ready to keep falling and failing repeatedly and trying regardless.

    It becomes easier to put yourself out there

    Any performance art entails showing up fully as yourself and willing to be seen. Doing more of it makes you slightly more comfortable to be in the spotlight.

    Seeing others on stage and the vulnerability which accompanies that can be greatly comforting. It can compel you to show up in your full glory as well.

    You get out of your head

    Dance can become an intense physical activity which you can’t intellectually force. Many a times a movement which seems simple can be so difficult to execute. You then understand that you need to stop overthinking it, and just enjoy and stay with the process. Eventually the movement will distill to your body.

    There are obvious physical, and mental fitness benefits from having a steady dance practice. But the advantages can be much more.

    Every time I go to a dance class, there is something new I learn about myself.
  • Word of the month – nourishing

    Word of the month – nourishing

    The last month was all about wondering lovingly, and gently how different aspects of one’s existence are nourishing or otherwise. I got thinking of this word while reading the book Ayurveda: Ancient wisdom for modern wellbeing by Geeta Vara (which btw I greatly recommend if you are curious about Ayurveda and want some simple to apply principles)

    nourish

    to cherish, foster, keep alive, etc.

    nourishing food

    Food is an important aspect for anyone’s existence. Having well balanced nutritious food is self care. You signal to your body that it matters, and you mindfully choose to nourish it both in terms of quality and quantity. 

    It is only recently have I realized nourishment doesn't have to be punishment in terms of fad diets or intense exercise.

    Like everything in life, everything is good in moderation. So every time you pick up something to eat, just be pleasantly grateful that you are getting to experience it and how it is nourishing you.

    nourishing impressions

    We are constantly bombarded with external stimuli which can both overwhelm and fatigue us. In such an environment, it is refreshing to every now and then take a step back and consciously choose what you let into your mind.

    It could be spending an afternoon rereading passages from your favorite book, replaying your childhood video game, walking through tree filled avenues. Exposing yourself to varied nourishing experiences can be deeply grounding and uplifting.

    nourishing company

    As social beings, we can derive great energy from the right company. Even introverts need an understanding friend who listens from time to time.

    Reach out to those close pals, rekindle forgotten acquaintances if you feel like, or even go out to a café and just be in the company of others with good food.

    I hope you continue to find nourishment in your life and flourish. 🙂

  • Time is a container

    Time is a container

    Time feels so real and yet fleeting at the same time. Usually it feels as though we have an unlimited supply of it. However, all of us need to work with this rigid container of twenty four hours in a day.

    There is a lot of pressure to maximize the output from this container. The loud productivity brigade calls us to extract the most from limited time. Thankfully for us, we have books like Four Thousand Weeks which have established how getting on to a productivity treadmill is a futile endeavor.

    Like many other things in life, your relationship with time gets better once you let go of your desire to control it tightly.

    Recently I came across this insightful podcast episode featuring Laura Vanderkam, the author of the book Tranquility by Tuesday. It is filled with great, easy to apply steps which can help you get a better hold of our never-failing-to-overwhelm-life.

    The author gives us a simple tip on how to work with this container – time.

    Have a set bedtime!

    It can be easy to believe that we can extend our supply of time by forgoing our rest or leisure time seeping into our sleep. Revenge bedtime procrastination is becoming more common now – a long tiring day would drag well past midnight with scrolling through Instagram or watching Youtube.

    Of course this means that you don’t feel your best the next day, as you still need to wake up on time to get on with your day.

    I have started to apply this principle, and honestly am quite surprised how a simple change can improve your overall wellbeing. Having a set bedtime ensures I put myself to sleep around that time. Even if I stretch by twenty or thirty minutes, I am somewhat clearly aware of how this will impact my energy the next day.

    Earlier it felt like it was my right to continue entertaining myself well into the night, because I have had a tiring/boring/exciting/<insert any emotion> day. But now you understand how delaying bedtime can impact you.

    Eventually you feel indebted to your future self and go to bed early! At a time you had chosen for yourself.

  • Living gracefully

    Living gracefully

    Life is hard.

    Many a times you will get punched in the face when you are least expecting it.

    But what matters is how you are able to dust off the sand and get back up again. Get back to what you were doing. With better understanding perhaps, but you persist.

    Much is spoken about grit, in this post I want to talk about grace.

    One of the definitions of Grace is
    “elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action”

    I refer to grace here in a much wider sense. Its your ability to put a persistent and smiling face after a setback. (Or maybe you really want to sob loudly, which is okay too!)

    You fully understand that you have failed at something, maybe even miserably. But you allow yourself enough grace and self compassion to continue with renewed energy and strength.

    At some point or other, everyone messes up. Or things might be totally out of our control and maybe luck didn’t favor us well. However that doesn’t mean we need to wallow in self loathe and beat ourselves up.

    You acknowledge the reality, get back to business, one step at a time, gracefully. 🙂

  • Should you say Yes, or No?

    Should you say Yes, or No?

    Self help literature usually asks you to say No to things by default, to avoid burnout and save your energy for things that really matter. But like any other maxim, it leads itself to over simplification.

    So I was pleasantly surprised when Atul Gawande (whose book Being Mortal I greatly admire), asked us to say yes until we are 40 in this podcast.

    This got me thinking on how saying yes, within limits and based on how much you can chew at a moment has its merits

    You become more open minded
    By saying yes, you allow serendipity and surprise to enter your life. Saying yes does not have to be anything big like a long online course. Even little things like a social event which you would normally skip, or a last minute booking for a theatre play can open up new ways of thinking.

    You understand your limits
    Just following along with many things will eventually expose your hard limits or attributes which you weren’t aware of. Such moments where you hit a bummer, if channeled and processed correctly can be a great opportunity to understand yourself better.

    You create space for new things
    To take on something new, you need to forgo something present or put it on the backburner. It means you have to critically look at your resources (time, energy and finances). Even if you end up declining the offer, it forces you to rethink whether you are using your resources for things that matter to you.

    You choose to say yes, mindfully
    By stepping up and choosing to lean into opportunities which interest you, you are signaling to yourself that you are making a choice and committing to something. There are times and perhaps areas in life where you won’t have much choice, like staying-in during a pandemic.

    But when you say yes, You are making the choice and you get to keep the promise you made to yourself.

    Saying yes doesn’t mean you need to follow through even after you discover information countering it.

    You gain a better understanding of your range, solidify your values and make your drive stronger for things which really matter.

  • Taking up space

    Taking up space

    As you go through life, among other things like competency, empathy, money, you realize how developing a healthy sense of self is of paramount importance. We tend to focus on developing skills and traits that help us be a better human to others, but we need to focus on being a better friend, confidant, ally to oneself too.

    One such realizations in my journey of self development is how it is fair for you to take as much space as you want. It is not just about literal space, though that matters to.

    We once had an activity in our dance class where a group of around twenty people are walking around the dance floor without stopping or bumping into each other. Like a swarm of flies in a bottle is how our instructor described our movement should be. And the area to walk progressively gets lesser and lesser. Eventually you have everyone moving in a space as large as a bathroom.

    After awkward bumps, few pushes, we finally ended the activity. Later my instructor gave the feedback on how I was literally curling my shoulders inward to not take up space. She did an impression of my walk and it looked both funny and surprising how I didn’t even realize I was doing that. Once we all of us got our respective feedback, the second time, we all flowed between each other like birds swaying with their wings around obstructions.

    Their began my journey of understanding space, posture and how we constrict or expand ourselves based on situations.

    It taught me how to be comfortable with my own body and take the space I need without apologizing.

    Of course you are not going to infringe on someone else’s space but that doesn’t mean you have to diminish yourself.

    In the larger context, I feel taking up space also means showing up as your authentic self. Even in situations or places where showing up might not be easy. It could mean going to that event alone where only groups have turned up. Or holding space and being comfortable with the sadness lurking when a friend is crying.

    You firmly and gracefully stand your ground.

    Everyone has space in this world to just be and flourish. A flower along the sidewalk doesn’t apologize for the space it takes, it blooms and withers when its time. Taking as much space when and where it needs, and gently fading away.

    Give yourself the permission to be seen fully and in all your splendidness.

  • Influence is your superpower – Book Review

    Having influence in your life is such an important skill. Throughout my growing years I always assumed that I didn’t matter much and hence couldn’t exert any influence whatsoever. However later I realized whether you know it or not, you always have some influence.

    With that preamble, you can imagine how happy I was to read Influence is your superpower – Zoe Chance.

    When the subtitle said – “How to get what you want without compromising who you are”, I wanted to gobble the contents in an instant!

    Overall the book is a great guide in understanding, nurturing and embracing being an influential person. It does deliver what it promises and I had multiple Aha moments as I went through the book.

    There are many points in the book, which resonated with me deeply which I intend to cover as part of upcoming posts. For now, I wanted to list the biggest takeaways –

    1. The power to say NO
      We hear it a lot, but yet we keep giving away free yes’es in a variety of situations and to various people. You end up being stretched thin and everyone loses finally. The book makes a passionate case as to why you are well in your right to say no and choose yourself. If you have a history of people pleasing like me, saying no would mean internally you imagine yourself ruining their plans, dreams and their world! But it doesn’t have to be so dramatic. As Zoe says, when you say a No, “Be warm, clear and firm”.
      And move on.
    2. Ask
      This was a big eye opener for me. The simple act of asking for what you want. You can skirt around the bush and drop all types of signs and hints. You are then left despairing how the world is filled with people who just don’t seem to have the capacity to process your unsaid needs and desires. The message is clear and direct here – “Ask more often, ask more directly, and ask for more”.
    3. You can always negotiate
      This is a huge one as well. Firstly just understanding what negotiations even are. It aren’t always those big board room meetings. It could be just who among your friends will end up traveling the most for the lunch meetup. For me the biggest takeaway here was “Negotiation is always possible”
      I had kind of started to realize this after I heard how people had negotiated home loan rates (apparently they are) , or stuck a deal with their spouse to attend that party alone, or even just traded for a better looking set of goodies at birthday party! So always remember, can this be made better so that everyone gains more? Point noted.

    I am glad I read this book and sure that there are lessons which will distill slowly and organically. This book will definitely be among my top reading recommendations.

    Lets use our influence skills to dream bigger and better as Zoe closes off her book.

    Overall rating – 5/5

  • Friend groups and their adda (hangout place)

    Friend groups and their adda (hangout place)

    We all know the importance of friends and the fun (and occasional irritations) they bring in one’s life. And if a friendship persists for a long time, it can be satisfying to watch your friend grow and evolve along with you and appreciate how far you have come in your own paths.

    Maintaining friendships takes time and deliberate effort. One knows of the unending planning which has to occur before any meet materializes. Among the various unsaid rules and rituals we form in friendships, I was recently thinking about the benefit of having a preferred hangout spot or an adda.

    This can be an old peepal tree in your college or a quaint darshini or the fancy pub in city center or just one of your friend’s house. Having a shared space where everyone can gather and be seen and heard fully can be fulfilling.

    It can be a common thread in a long ensuing friendship.

    From a logistical perspective, it helps decide on a default place to meet. But it serves much more.

    It makes everyone come back to the same place, literally. The familiarity provides a feeling of safety and trust. Before the advent of text messaging or phone calls, one would wait at such an adda for a friend to show up. To me that sounds almost romantic! 🙂

    Well in general, having friends makes life much enjoyable, and bearable in tough times.

    An adda can be a physical marker for such a beautiful relationship in one’s life.

  • Joys of taking the road already taken

    Joys of taking the road already taken

    Trying out new things and places gets so much air time in modern society. Social media is always abuzz with the new cool places in town you have to try!

    But once in a while going back to those lanes which you have traversed innumerable times has joys of its own.

    There is definitely merit to exploring new places, paths and people. Without the human nature of curiosity and exploration, we would not have progressed so much. At the same time, going back to those known alleys and people can give you solace and comfort.

    There is a great joy in coming back home.

    So give yourself the permission to stay put or go back when you feel like. When you are hit by a bout of nostalgia and want to traverse the route to your college. Or to simply wander through the temple lined street you saw for years from your classroom window. For sure things would have changed and you may no longer recognize complete lanes!

    But its okay to be ‘boring’ and go back to the same place. Places which will always stay close to your heart.

  • Paying attention to attention

    I am currently doing a ten day pack on the meditation app Headspace on being present actively. It asks us to notice the level of focus and alertness we bring in life. Until I began noticing my level of attention, I was just sailing through a lot of times during the day. I believe given all the information overload around us, we tend to zone out frequently and multi task with the hope of conserving energy. But of course, the results are the opposite.

    A lot of time we get so immersed in an activity when we get into a flow state. This is definitely beneficial and lets us do our best work and enjoy it. However if you don’t pay attention to your attention ( 🙂 ) you might just be drifting from one task to another. Specially if its something mundane and routine.

    That’s where consciously noticing and bringing awareness to yourself and the activity which you are doing can be beneficial.

    It grounds you in the present moment, the reality. It frees from the shackles of the past or the worries about the future.

    When you bring awareness, start noticing your energy level and just the prominent underlying emotion, you start feeling more at ease.

    The idea is not to change anything drastically by noticing. We want to be just aware of how we are feeling, how active and alert our mind feels at different points through the day. This in my experience, can help focus better and notice any patterns which we might want to change.