deepcontemplator

thinking deeply about things that matter

Category: Garden

  • Narcissism, self promotion, personal branding.. vices or reality?

    This is not a psychology post on narcissism or anything (and I am not qualified for that! 🙂 )

    For a long time I believed that narcissism, self promotion and personal branding are negatives and must be avoided or at least not actively engaged with.

    Though these are disparate concepts, they do have some common thread. They kind of revolve around self importance and self marketing aspects.

    What I want to discuss here is the mixed signals one receives regarding these topics and how to make sense of it.

    Narcissism

    In recent times there is lot of awareness about narcissism and how it is a toxic trait which damages relationships.

    And that is true.

    But equally important is the other aspect of it, as described in the book The Attributes by Rich Diviney. He argues that a healthy amount of narcissism is actually required to succeed in the world.

    You need to consider yourself important and worthy enough.

    That you matter.

    These are the foundations of self esteem. But a healthy amount of narcissism maybe needed at times. When you push yourselves ahead of everyone and nominate yourself for a challenging task.

    Of course anything taken to the extreme can be damaging to you and potentially those around you. But instead of shunning it completely, we need to engage with it with awareness.

    Self promotion

    Self promotion does not mean being a phony or advertising falsehoods. But you don’t need not shy away from being vocal about your achievements and journey.

    Without self promotion many people who might actually benefit from knowing or working with you will not even know that you exist.

    It is another way of putting yourself out there in the world. Being an advocate for yourself and guiding people to have a better understanding about the real you.

    Personal branding

    Again branding gets a bad rap as trying too hard or outright manipulative. Whether we like it or not, all of us already have a personal brand.

    The way people perceive us, our presence and talk about us.

    So a healthier approach is to acknowledge its presence, and take conscious steps to build a brand which more authentically reflects you and your values.

    Conclusion

    Overall, instead of completely dismissing these topics, we need to engage with them more responsibly. We need to audit where we stand on each of these aspects, and make conscious and responsible changes.

  • Who do you disagree with?

    Its sometimes worthwhile to pause and spend some time reflecting on who you disagree with and why? It will better clarify to you, your own values and the way you want to lead your life.

    Of course disagreement does not have to mean an all out fight. In fact it can aid as a way to understand the world better and increase our empathy.

    As we go through the world, we are bound to face disagreements even if you actively avoid it. Hence a better strategy is to expect, embrace and maybe even invite healthy disagreements into your life.

    It is a sign of maturity to be able to hold conflicting ideas and see the merit in both. You need not side one way or the other but you can be empathetic and curious enough to understand opposing viewpoints.

    Real progress and breakthroughs happen when we are able to productively engage in conversations and sit with our disagreements.

    Disagreements and conflicts are bound to occur in any long standing relationship. Hence it becomes even more imperative to have a healthy relationship with disagreements and conflicts, and continually find ways to move ahead.

  • The importance of being able to articulate well

    The importance of being able to articulate well

    Being a frequent listener of podcasts, I am both amazed and in awe of how effortlessly articulate few people are. It is a greatly useful skill to be able to clearly and concisely convey your thoughts and ideas and effectively land them.

    You need to have good ideas, but the aspect of having a great delivery associated with it matters. It decides whether your idea will be heard and come to reality or not.

    I do want to build on my articulation skills and am working on it. It does take effort and practice. This post is not about how we can build the skill, but about why it matters, as seen from the outside.

    Firstly, being able to convey your ideas effectively saves a lot of energy. Incomplete and haphazard communication can result in back and forth. If your message is not clear, it can lead to unwanted deciphering and misconstruing of the message intended. Prevention is better than cure applies even in communication!

    Effective articulation, be it spoken or written word is an art in itself. Of course the greats novelists of the world of literature have honed this to the maximum. They can build entire layered inner and outer worlds of a character beautifully and masterfully. A lot of aspects are deliberately left out to make room for interpretation.

    Good communication or storytelling helps in building trust and cooperation. Of course the content matters, but just having good intentions and useful information is not enough. A lot rests on how well we are able to effectively articulate why the idea matters and how its relevant.

    Hence it is a worthwhile endeavor to constantly improve your articulation skills.

    And get your ideas heard, loud and clear! 🙂

  • Paying attention to attention

    I am currently doing a ten day pack on the meditation app Headspace on being present actively. It asks us to notice the level of focus and alertness we bring in life. Until I began noticing my level of attention, I was just sailing through a lot of times during the day. I believe given all the information overload around us, we tend to zone out frequently and multi task with the hope of conserving energy. But of course, the results are the opposite.

    A lot of time we get so immersed in an activity when we get into a flow state. This is definitely beneficial and lets us do our best work and enjoy it. However if you don’t pay attention to your attention ( 🙂 ) you might just be drifting from one task to another. Specially if its something mundane and routine.

    That’s where consciously noticing and bringing awareness to yourself and the activity which you are doing can be beneficial.

    It grounds you in the present moment, the reality. It frees from the shackles of the past or the worries about the future.

    When you bring awareness, start noticing your energy level and just the prominent underlying emotion, you start feeling more at ease.

    The idea is not to change anything drastically by noticing. We want to be just aware of how we are feeling, how active and alert our mind feels at different points through the day. This in my experience, can help focus better and notice any patterns which we might want to change.

  • Not perfection, but sincerity and consistency

    When we start doing something new, we often get discouraged pretty soon by the results not being good enough. If we are just starting out on something, it must be expected that it will not be so great in the beginning. For instance, the first couple of months at a gym or a new workout can be excruciating and feel miserable. But once you start developing muscle memory, things get better. Even though you keep challenging yourself, you know what to expect and there is the self fulfilling cycle of results and effort.

    So a better way of looking at progress is to work our best, with sincerity and be consistent. We do need to make the effort to learn and keep improving continuously. Anything worthwhile will take a long time to achieve. We need to set our expectations accordingly.

    It can be tempting to get discouraged by those initial days/months of crappy results. But we need to just keep putting in the work, even on those days where we are not motivated.

    Its often helpful to focus on the process than on the outcome. As long as we are enjoying what we are doing, we are already getting the benefit from it.

  • Importance of silence in conversations

    Importance of silence in conversations

    Much gets said about how to have a good and engaging conversation. One that builds rapport, trust and deep connection. It might involve the importance of listening, responding rather than reacting impulsively, variations in tone and language and just being open and curious.

    But I believe as the conversation or relationship builds, its important to have those moments of silence in the conversation. Even if you are in each other’s company or in the same room there is not a constant burden of conversation. At the outset, it might help process all the conversation which does happen. But presence of comfortable silence signals a much bigger quality.

    That is of comfort and trust.

    The ability to stay silent in each other’s company takes off the pressure that one must be always entertaining or at their wit’s best to keep the other person’s attention or interest. It creates a shared experience built on closeness and trust which need not be always punctuated with words or sounds.

    So the next time, be brave and take those long pauses even amid difficult conversations. For even silence is a great way of saying something.

  • The joys of eating at a darshini

    The joys of eating at a darshini

    Well a small disclaimer before we begin – Darshinis are an experience on their own and no justice can be done in a single blog post. But some thoughts for now…

    Nothing like walking into your local darshini and having an open butter masala dose and filter coffee. Well yes the crowd at the counter could be sometimes difficult. You might have to jostle your way to get the token, or lay your rightful claim on that freshly made masala dose before some cunning guy who put the token after you grabs it. Or you might have to share a wooden bench or table with a family or an old couple, unknowingly becoming privy to their not so private conversation.

    But these are the joys of eating at a local darshini. For a brief period of time its as if people just dropped by someone’s house for a coffee. The camaraderie between the regulars and hotel staff can be so refreshing. And every darshini is so different though they follow the same basic rules, And you can have multiple favorites, one based on the masala dose, one for just the way they prepare palya accompanying the dose. Having favorite places just for their chutney is quite common among Bluru folks.

    Well every darshini however small, has its own quirks and that what makes them so different and, beautiful.

  • Zero to One – Book review

    Zero to One – Book review

    So I recently read this book Zero to One by Peter Thiel. The tagline says – Notes on Startups or How to build the future.

    I was not quite sure of what to expect from the book. The last time I seriously thought about entrepreneurship was way back in engineering college third year where we had a subject on the same. At the same time I had just managed to (not so) successfully lead our college fest. So the lessons post that experience were quite relevant.

    Overall impressions

    I must say I really liked the book. From the get go it does not get into preach mode on entrepreneurship. But its an honest view on what makes companies work. The main theme of the book is that competition is bad for everyone, and creative monopolies help move the world forward. The author says the prospect of having a monopoly business and hence the high profits one can make from it is a primary motivation for entrepreneurs to take risks. Or at least the author wants the world to be so.

    You are not a lottery ticket

    This is my favorite chapter from the book. And it was one of those moments as if a brick fell on my head and woke me up from my stupor.

    Well I don’t know if I ever will be an entrepreneur, but this lesson will be valuable for life in general. The author asks us to stop treating ourselves and our lives as if controlled by some external factor altogether by luck or chance. The existence of serial entrepreneurs shows how it is not at all a matter of luck.

    The idea that life is not all about luck is an important one which we need to keep reminding ourselves. Whenever we see successful people, we know that they perhaps worked hard. But the other idea which usually surfaces is that luck played a major role as well. We downplay how much deliberate action can have an impact on our lives.

    This weaves into the theme from The six pillars of self esteem (another of my favorite books), where the author goads us to not be a bystander in our own life, but to take conscious action and steer it the way we want it.

    Conclusion

    Overall I liked the book a lot. It gave me a new way to think about founding a company. And by doing that maybe it got me thinking about how you can think about founding yourself and your life again, and again.

    Rating – 4/5