deepcontemplator

thinking deeply about things that matter

Category: Habits

Should you say Yes, or No?

Self help literature usually asks you to say No to things by default, to avoid burnout and save your energy for things that really matter. But like any other maxim, it leads itself to over simplification.

So I was pleasantly surprised when Atul Gawande (whose book Being Mortal I greatly admire), asked us to say yes until we are 40 in this podcast.

This got me thinking on how saying yes, within limits and based on how much you can chew at a moment has its merits

You become more open minded
By saying yes, you allow serendipity and surprise to enter your life. Saying yes does not have to be anything big like a long online course. Even little things like a social event which you would normally skip, or a last minute booking for a theatre play can open up new ways of thinking.

You understand your limits
Just following along with many things will eventually expose your hard limits or attributes which you weren’t aware of. Such moments where you hit a bummer, if channeled and processed correctly can be a great opportunity to understand yourself better.

You create space for new things
To take on something new, you need to forgo something present or put it on the backburner. It means you have to critically look at your resources (time, energy and finances). Even if you end up declining the offer, it forces you to rethink whether you are using your resources for things that matter to you.

You choose to say yes, mindfully
By stepping up and choosing to lean into opportunities which interest you, you are signaling to yourself that you are making a choice and committing to something. There are times and perhaps areas in life where you won’t have much choice, like staying-in during a pandemic.

But when you say yes, You are making the choice and you get to keep the promise you made to yourself.

Saying yes doesn’t mean you need to follow through even after you discover information countering it.

You gain a better understanding of your range, solidify your values and make your drive stronger for things which really matter.

November 8, 2022
Walking, without distractions
I have always been a walker. I was lucky to attend a college which was within a couple of kilometers from my house. So most days I would walk back home. The pleasant Bangalore weather and walkable roads definitely helped.

This habit has stuck along and I take a walk daily now as well. I used to listen to my favorite podcasts or some high powered music during these walks. That would mean some days these walks would get extended because of an interesting podcast episode or so.

But of late though I have started to take walks without any music or other distractions. And it has been refreshing to say the least!

We are nudged towards multitasking in this age filled with technology and devices. At a time when we want to get the most buck for our time, it can feel scary to take time daily for something trivial as a walk around the house. This beautiful and simple act of taking a plain old walk without any distraction has become a luxury.
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The quiet walks have helped me relax and slow down. 
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Thoughts which keep popping up, but after some time you learn to notice them and let them go. On difficult days, it gives me the space to notice and listen to my feelings and emotions. On most days, these would get submerged beneath all the other distractions adding into the pile of unresolved issues.

I realized I have begun to notice things which were in plain sight but never paid much attention earlier. Like the sand blowing at my face at a construction site, the yells of cricket players in the playground or the chirping of the lone bird on a tree. If I am lucky I also get to catch a glimpse of the sunset and the various hues the sky takes.

I still do listen to music and/or podcasts on days when I really need a break. But the other times, when I walk without any distraction, the experience only seems to be getting better with each walk.
January 9, 2022
Why you need to show up. Always.
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Show up. Consistency. Compounding. Kaizen. Habits.
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I believe these are all different ways to put forth the same general idea. Anything which you do (or be) consistently gathers momentum and has a great positive (or negative) impact on your life.
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Showing up is the first step to make any change which you intend to see in yourself. 
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A few years ago I joined a gym, which claimed that all I needed to was show up everyday and they will take care of the rest. It sounded pretty simple and achievable and stuck with me. Even on days when I was feeling lazy/tired/not exactly motivated, I would muster just enough willpower to land at the gym door. And once there I would give my best anyway.

For the first time I became consistent with my fitness and started to experience real results after a few months. The momentum put me in a motivation cycle where the results pushed me to eat healthier, commit to fitness and in general take better care of myself.

But showing up is not always easy.

Especially when it’s uncomfortable to show up. Whenever you are stepping foot in a new arena, say a dance class, a presentation, a date or an interview, you are making yourself vulnerable. Its scary, yes. Its okay to be fearful, but you do it anyway. And even in the worst case, you would have at least learnt something about yourself or the world in the process which you can channel into your growth.

Though it may sound simple and inconsequent, like missing gym or blogging for a day wouldn’t make a difference. But real change, your journey towards reaching your potential, happens with those tiny repeated steps.

When you decide and show up for yourself, consistently, and sincerely.
October 25, 2021
On reading

One rainy evening in Bengaluru, we were in a special English class for GRE preparation, waiting for rains to subside so that we could leave. The English teacher, who we all adored, dusted off the chalk from her notes and sat down on her chair and started speaking casually. Like how a tired mother done with all the chores at the end of the day would sit with her kids to speak.

She said

I hope you all pick up the habit of reading. Not because it will give you a good vocabulary and help you score higher in the exam. But, as you start reading, you realize that you are becoming a better person.

Until then though I had multiple false starts trying to pick up reading as a habit and the motivation was always directed outwards – To show others that I am a reader too. To get into the smart people read club.

But after hearing what she said that day, which to even this date I keep thinking of, I think reading became a more inward directed activity. And I began to identify myself as a reader. Of course reading can be still be sometimes a show of vanity, with the undeclared competition which happens over Goodreads feed with your reading friends.

But what my teacher said that day is true. From that day (close to 12 years ago) I have read more than 100 books. And I don’t know if I can certify myself to be a better person now! But I am definitely a much more rounded and well informed person, and a part of it can be credited to my habit of reading.

Reading fiction helps you get into the psyche of people totally different than you in terms of their circumstance, life stage or background. It makes you more empathetic and in general more warm to all kinds of people out there.

I read a lot of non-fiction as well. They give you great perspectives on different viewpoints and many are distillations of the works of luminaries over almost their entire lifetime.

There is an oft-quoted

The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.

If you have the time, opportunity, privilege and inclination to read, then I ask you to give it a try. And like my English teacher said that rainy day, maybe it will change you, for the better! 🙂

October 20, 2021