deepcontemplator

thinking deeply about things that matter

Category: Society

  • What is your definition of enough?

    One of the things to think about in life is how much is enough for you?

    How many friends do you want? How many meaningful friendships you can really maintain? Or how big of a house you need? How many countries do you really want to visit and so on!

    You need to draw the line between hustling for more and being content with what you already have, or achieved. Modern culture wants us to believe we are always ‘incomplete’. We can keep getting better or acquire more things in a never ending quest,

    But at many things in life, being good enough, or even average will just do.

    It might be the best even.

    This is specially important if you have been constantly striving and achieving in one domain of your life. You might have started off on that path as you sorely lacked initially, but then you might lose sight of your rewards and never get to enjoy them.

    In this post The Art and Science of Spending Money, Morgan Housel mentions how, many people get into the mode of making more money and get stuck in it.

    Never having a chance to relax and spend the money, long after they have reached their goals.

    There is ample flex in pushing the goalpost further and further when you reach one.

    But it doesn’t have to be so.

    You don’t have to be a constant work in progress.

    You can be growing, yet valid and complete at the same time.

    So revel in the light when you reach your goals. Pat yourself for how far you have come.

    And maybe if you want, push for an even bigger goal.

    Or realize that its enough, and choose something new altogether.

  • Word of the month – advocate

    Word of the month – advocate

    advocate (v) – to speak in support of an idea or course of action

    The past month I was thinking of how advocating for what you believe in and stand for is so important. It might come naturally for a few of us, and for others it might be tough to build this skill.

    We might find it easier to advocate for someone or rally for a cause someone else starts fighting for. You might find it comfortable to hop on a bus which someone else is already steering.

    However, we get the most scared when it comes to advocating for ourselves.

    And we matter. Our ideas matter.

    At times, it might be us who needs an advocate the most.

    To be able to advocate for oneself, we firstly need to be clear on what matters to us. It takes reflection, questioning and self awareness to understand our own core values and beliefs.

    If you are prone to self doubt and low self esteem, it might be particularly hard to self advocate and drive results in the direction which best suits us.

    The journey of self advocating is bound to have failures, embarrassment and disappointments. Just accepting this can make us more resilient and realistic about the effort involved.

    We need to slowly and compassionately persist.

    Consistently stand up for ourselves and what we believe in, and how we view the world. Having allies and learning from people who are good at advocating for themselves will be helpful.

    In the end, we owe it to ourselves to make us and our ideas be heard and seen in the way we deem fit and right for us.

  • Modern life and its pulls

    Modern life and its pulls

    Modern urban life, combined with digital revolution and social media comes with some interesting predicaments.

    Whether you embrace it, or completely abhor it, the following pulls would have definitely touched you, just by the fact of being a person living in this world.

    Optimize

    Everything is up for optimization!

    What started as efficiency and scale improvements in the Industrial age has continued to keep its hold on the human imagination. Where we are unable to change the hard realities of physics or biology, we tend to optimize.

    Maximize

    Then comes the paranoia of maximization. We can now measure a multitude of variables, like the steps one takes in a day, or simply the number of followers.

    Its assumed that with these measures, more is better.

    We are looking on how to maximize every aspect of our life including how to get the maximum out of our relationships.

    Monetize

    Money gets a bad rap in modern times. But when you set out to do anything, the worth of an activity many times gets judged based on how much money it generates.

    Even free play, a fuel for creativity can be measured on its eventual monetization capacity.

    Of course money is a necessity to survive in this economic world. Paradoxically, having a sufficient amount can free your from the vagaries of economic world as well. We should not romanticize a life devoid of money even to cover basic human needs, which could be harsh and difficult.

    The takeaway

    None of the above aspects are inherently right or wrong.

    In fact at some point in our lives, or in some domain, it might be the best to focus on these. We might need to monetize some talent of ours or maximize the gains we get from an exercise regimen.

    However we need to be aware of how the modern world subtly pushes us in these directions in anything we do.

    Just by being aware of these qualities, you can hopefully, mindfully choose when to engage and when to continue in your ‘subpar’ activities in the eyes of modern world.

  • Striving vs living – finding the balance

    Striving vs living – finding the balance

    It can be sometimes be addictive to keep working on ourselves and strive to be a better version. Never living the life which we currently have as a result.

    It is important to be aware of areas where we need work. Where there is room for growth. And we can consistently work on these aspects.

    However, we should not forget to live the life we already have, as we strive to be better.

    It is a delicate balance.

    On the one hand you are fully aware of your challenges and rough edges. On the other, you fully embrace your present self providing yourself validation and compassion.

    In present times, its easy to fall into the trap of constant striving. There are many signals from media, society hammered into us on how we are not smart, beautiful or social enough. Many of them are based on completely false narratives, but its a hard task to avoid this constant humdrum.

    So remember to live your life completely even as you continue on your growth journey. .

  • Friend groups and their adda (hangout place)

    Friend groups and their adda (hangout place)

    We all know the importance of friends and the fun (and occasional irritations) they bring in one’s life. And if a friendship persists for a long time, it can be satisfying to watch your friend grow and evolve along with you and appreciate how far you have come in your own paths.

    Maintaining friendships takes time and deliberate effort. One knows of the unending planning which has to occur before any meet materializes. Among the various unsaid rules and rituals we form in friendships, I was recently thinking about the benefit of having a preferred hangout spot or an adda.

    This can be an old peepal tree in your college or a quaint darshini or the fancy pub in city center or just one of your friend’s house. Having a shared space where everyone can gather and be seen and heard fully can be fulfilling.

    It can be a common thread in a long ensuing friendship.

    From a logistical perspective, it helps decide on a default place to meet. But it serves much more.

    It makes everyone come back to the same place, literally. The familiarity provides a feeling of safety and trust. Before the advent of text messaging or phone calls, one would wait at such an adda for a friend to show up. To me that sounds almost romantic! 🙂

    Well in general, having friends makes life much enjoyable, and bearable in tough times.

    An adda can be a physical marker for such a beautiful relationship in one’s life.

  • Joys of taking the road already taken

    Joys of taking the road already taken

    Trying out new things and places gets so much air time in modern society. Social media is always abuzz with the new cool places in town you have to try!

    But once in a while going back to those lanes which you have traversed innumerable times has joys of its own.

    There is definitely merit to exploring new places, paths and people. Without the human nature of curiosity and exploration, we would not have progressed so much. At the same time, going back to those known alleys and people can give you solace and comfort.

    There is a great joy in coming back home.

    So give yourself the permission to stay put or go back when you feel like. When you are hit by a bout of nostalgia and want to traverse the route to your college. Or to simply wander through the temple lined street you saw for years from your classroom window. For sure things would have changed and you may no longer recognize complete lanes!

    But its okay to be ‘boring’ and go back to the same place. Places which will always stay close to your heart.

  • Why I attend social events

    Why I attend social events

    Being a Bangalorean and staying in the same city accords me some privileges. One major one is option to visit my relatives and friends. At least pre-pandemic, that meant an invitation to an array of weddings, naming ceremonies and other myriad social events which make the fabric of an extended Indian family.

    One thing you notice about any social event you go is that usually the majority of people are seniors. When I was younger I used to pray fervently that my cousins turn up for the event, only to figure out later that only a trickle of them made it. I am not sure of the reason. Usually the younger generation tries to shy away from any family social gathering unless it’s under their parents’ force!

    But I have always been keen to attend family events. (The very healthy and and tasty baleyale oota definitely has a role to play in it)

    But if I think about it, maybe there’s something more than just the food. When I was in my school, during our chapter on astronomy, our teacher made this statement

    The people you see at social events are like stars in a constellation. Some old, some young, married, ill, morose or lively.

    That thought has stayed on with me. Its such a beautiful way to visualize the diversity of folks at any family event. Yes you might not like them all, you might have to endure judgmental insinuations, bland jokes and artificial cordiality.

    But you get to see a tiny cross section of humanity in that room.

    You see people at different stages of their life, all with their own struggles, yet trying to put their best foot. Some trying to impress, some waiting to be seen, some just giving out a kind smile.

    And when you all get together for a group picture, it definitely looks like a constellation.