deepcontemplator

thinking deeply about things that matter

Category: Thoughts

  • An ode to trying

    Do you have those times when you feel like you tried everything, felt like you did all the right things, followed the books and articles. and yet the result was quite not as you expected.

    It can be immensely saddening when things don’t go our way, especially after all that thought and effort. Some stoic philosophy can come to rescue at such times. By extricating yourself from the result, you get some perspective to accept everything with grace and humility.

    However, despite all the setbacks, you have to just wake up daily, show up and keep trying.

    Whatever making an effort means to you that day.

    Maybe just the plain act of getting up and sitting down to think. This does not mean that you keep making the same mistake (if at all any) or do not take time to reflect and grow from the experience. But you learn to be more gentle with yourself, sit with your feelings and emotions with compassion and be that friend who is just there for you.

    I have realized how it helps to be hopeful. To not write anything off. To give everything the time and space to bloom, not trying to forcefully mold it. Maybe today is not the day, some other time. The same gift, or a totally different one.

    Until then you keep trying, and smile through it, as much as you can. 🙂

  • The art of letting things, and people, be.

    Some time ago I posted a quick sketch I made on social media. It wasn’t my best but I just wanted to post it, spontaneously. Got a few likes, but one friend commented on what was ‘lacking’ in the sketch and how I can ‘fix’ it.

    We have seen this many times, and I must confess I have done this too in the past. A friend is learning to cook and makes a dish, and you quickly comment what is missing. Or you compliment someone on their dress but quickly add how it can be enhanced.

    It took me a while to understand how we put everything someone does under scrutiny, even when it not needed. Unsolicited feedback, even if you are knowledgeable and an expert in that field, is just that, unwanted!

    Not everything which is created needs to be perfect. And like me, at times, one might just be having fun and exploring new hobbies and passions. In more subjective things like art and food, there is no one standard to impose on everyone. And definitely not so, if one didn’t explicitly ask for feedback.

    So now I try to look at things with an open and curious mind. Many a times you can be pleasantly surprised at how other people do the same things, differently. Its a great learning opportunity to understand and appreciate the many ways of creating/doing something.

    A quick sketch may be far from perfect for a trained eye.

    But there lies the beauty, in it being imperfect, but real and personal!

  • Serendipity of running into your friends

    Serendipity of running into your friends

    Imagine walking down a street after a lunch with friends, still indulged in animated conversation with them. Suddenly you run into a another long forgotten friend coming down from the other side. Its both delightful and pleasantly surprising.

    I have had such encounters many times now, meeting known faces in least expected circumstances. Being born, brought up and now living in the same city, even a large one like Bengaluru with ~84L population, still gives enough opportunities for chance encounters.

    The friend I met that day on the street, we got talking and realized we stay quite close. That restarted the next phase of our friendship, one separated from the previous one by close to ten years.

    Such chance encounters spark such great joy in me.

    It need not be something which turns into a long lasting relationship, but running into a known face in a bus, at a temple city or at a relative’s social event adds a charm and provides highlights in your otherwise routine life. If those encounters are positive, it can make an otherwise not so memorable activity also interesting.

    So even with the limited outings I go now, sometimes just thinking of a possible serendipitous encounter makes me smile and open my eyes more. 🙂

  • Why I attend social events

    Why I attend social events

    Being a Bangalorean and staying in the same city accords me some privileges. One major one is option to visit my relatives and friends. At least pre-pandemic, that meant an invitation to an array of weddings, naming ceremonies and other myriad social events which make the fabric of an extended Indian family.

    One thing you notice about any social event you go is that usually the majority of people are seniors. When I was younger I used to pray fervently that my cousins turn up for the event, only to figure out later that only a trickle of them made it. I am not sure of the reason. Usually the younger generation tries to shy away from any family social gathering unless it’s under their parents’ force!

    But I have always been keen to attend family events. (The very healthy and and tasty baleyale oota definitely has a role to play in it)

    But if I think about it, maybe there’s something more than just the food. When I was in my school, during our chapter on astronomy, our teacher made this statement

    The people you see at social events are like stars in a constellation. Some old, some young, married, ill, morose or lively.

    That thought has stayed on with me. Its such a beautiful way to visualize the diversity of folks at any family event. Yes you might not like them all, you might have to endure judgmental insinuations, bland jokes and artificial cordiality.

    But you get to see a tiny cross section of humanity in that room.

    You see people at different stages of their life, all with their own struggles, yet trying to put their best foot. Some trying to impress, some waiting to be seen, some just giving out a kind smile.

    And when you all get together for a group picture, it definitely looks like a constellation.

  • Letting go, and moving on

    Letting go, and moving on

    One of the not so pleasant realizations of entering your adulthood is that everything changes. People who you thought would forever stay for you, friends who you had decided to get old with, an office where you saw yourself for years, all of them at some point fade away.

    The separation can be circumstantial, a high voltage dramatic end or just two entities on different paths slowly drifting apart. And even years later if you do get back together, its childish to expect things to be the same as earlier. A more realistic approach would be to blend the past into the narrative and continue from there, neither ashamed nor in denial but with full acceptance.

    You need to learn to let go. Of things, of people, of ideas.

    You are a constantly evolving version of yourself. So are others and hence there are bound to be differences. With few, the trajectory can become so divergent that trying to maintain the relationship does not make sense and in fact could be constant fuel for conflict and hurt.

    When you let go, you are not denying its existence or the power it held over you at some point. In fact you could lovingly look back to few memories or people even long after you have drifted apart and chosen a different path. But letting go can be seen as a natural purge. A space emptied gives room for something new to fill.

    It might be a natural transition to a more authentic and true version of yourself, so embrace it.

    The next time you decide to let go of something or someone, do it. Maybe with folded hands and moist eyes for all the good times. but also with a gentle smile looking forward to a new future.

  • Life is all about how to manage your money, energy and time

    Life is all about how to manage your money, energy and time

    As you keep growing up, different aspects take the center stage at different life stages. Once you get into adulthood, and you are past the initial days of euphoria of earning, enjoying great freedoms and even financial leeway to an extent, things start to settle down. And sometime in your late 20s or early 30s it hits you that the most important resource of all perhaps is your time rather than your money.

    Along with time, and money, you also realize that on a daily basis irrespective of these two factors, what you can achieve is dependent heavily on your energy level. So we always need to keep optimizing that we are spending these three very precious and limited resources mindfully and in alignment with our values and deliberately chosen goals.

    Money

    Yes money is an important aspect in one’s life, and a stark lack of it can actually make it extremely difficult to lead a decent life or spend time towards self improvement. But after a certain limit, it is also shown by research how making more money does not necessarily result in a great increase in happiness. So financial stability is a basic human need, but for those who are fortunate to reach a certain level with their money reserve, it no longer controls their life completely.

    Energy

    We all have limited energy every given day. Though we could build good habits like exercise, eating good food, maintaining a sleep cycle to increase and sustain our energy levels, we need to remember that it is highly dependent on our age, type of job and other responsibilities which we would have. But our energy tanks can be refueled up to a certain level and count in a day and we can allocate our energy according to that.

    Time

    This is probably the most important resource of all, for once its spent, there is no way we can get it back. And its always being spent, whether or not you want it! But in a way it is also the greatest leveler in an otherwise highly unequal world. Hence its of paramount importance that you are extremely mindful and deliberate on how you spend your time.

    Like they say, life is short, but if you do it right, living once is enough.

  • Importance of the why?

    Importance of the why?

    So for a lot of things in life, to succeed, you need to build the skill, have perseverance, maybe have some luck as well. But the most important question of all, which will decide the amount of work you are willing to put in is the why.

    You often see this is in motivational talks or those iron pumping movies, where the protagonist is asked how badly do you want your goal. And I think whatever goals we set ourselves to, we must first clear the intention and the reason to ourselves.

    If its a long term, hard goal, like raising kids, a long career, it becomes even more pertinent that you consciously choose what you are doing and take some time to reflect and figure why are you exactly doing it. As anything worth having is not easy and definitely not for the faint hearted. If your why is not clear and powerful, then you will very soon become disillusioned and demotivated to continue when the going gets tough.

    They say whenever you need to pursue something, ask yourself if this is a “Hell Yes/No I will/will not do it” or a whimpering yes/no. And if its the latter then its probably not worth your time and energy pursuing it.

    We all get limited time on earth, so better spend that doing things which we really love doing and excel at it.

  • Charm of reading physical books

    Charm of reading physical books

    One of the many things which has got upended by digitalization is the concept of physical books. In the age of mobile phones and kindles, people still sticking to read from a physical book is dwindling. It might well be on the same path as newspapers. As apps overtake the news market, newspaper which once was essential in every house, has no longer been able to retain that position.

    A mobile phone or kindle has lots of benefits when it comes to reading. You can stuff literally thousand of books in one tablet, read through the night, carry it around easily on your travels, not have to worry about charging frequently. But the charm of physical books remain.

    Physical books not only serve to the intellect but the tactile feedback of holding a book and flipping through the pages cannot be delivered by an electronic device. As humans, paper is one medium which we have been making, writing on, reading from and creating. Vicky Tan, a designer at Spotify, mentions in this podcast how paper is a versatile medium which has been associated with humans from historical times.

    The act of reading a physical book can also be seen as a signaling mechanism that you are not frivolously whiling away your time on screen! If you want children to pick up reading, then probably one of the things is that they should see others, specially their parents reading books as well.

    And having a stack of books, though unfinished gives a visual reminder of all that knowledge which has been left unexplored!.

  • The importance of routine, and breaking them once in a while

    The importance of routine, and breaking them once in a while

    When I started with my first job, it wasn’t an easy transition from college life to full blown five days a week corporate job. I had few of my friends join the same company, so there was some sense of continuity. However it was really difficult to keep yourself focused for 9+ hours five days a week. My friend even asked a senior colleague if he experienced the same fatigue and stress when he first joined. His only reply was that it gets better and you get used to it.

    Well we did get used to it. We got accustomed to the new daily routine. Early morning cab ride to work, then work for the stipulated hours and get back home. Since we were still freshers, we got some leeway the few initial days where we could explore different office spaces and spend quite long times eating breakfast and lunch.

    But soon the routine gets to you and everything which seemed new and unsurmountable starts feeling jaded and boring. That’s when a friend started to skip the cab some days and ride his bike to work. Since he stayed far away, I was quite surprised on why was he making such an effort to drive through the traffic and the sun. He mentioned that he just gets tired of the routine at times and just wants to have a change.

    So even I started taking an off routine day once in a while. And it was so helpful to break the monotony of the days. Once in a while, at my later jobs I would skip the daily cab and take my bike/car. Driving through Bluru traffic was a test for all my senses, patience of course and ability to keep myself entertained. Some days I used to take the metro and walk through Cubbon park to work.

    Well routines are definitely helpful in having a productive day. You dont have to spend time making insignificant decisions like when do you leave to work, which mode of transport will you take, what will you have for breakfast and all. These changes in routine became a welcome change and helped shake things up.

    But on the other hand, a break from the routine is like taking a mini vacation. All your senses have to come out of auto pilot and work. It helps increase motivation and helps in generating new ideas and keeping yourself on your toes and not getting comfortable with the status quo.

    So do craft your own morning, evening, night, commute routines, but just remember to break them every once in a while, to give things a slight shake up! 🙂

  • Cleaning is therapeutic

    Cleaning is therapeutic

    Among other things, one thing which changed a lot due to quarantine, is everyone had to clean and take care of their space on their own without any help. Quarantine or not, I always find cleaning your space therapeutic. Some might find gold being in a hot mess, but many have professed the simple task of keeping your space clean can work wonders.

    Cleaning your room or house can be a deeply meditative experience. Specially when you are feeling overwhelmed, cleaning can help bring back the confidence that you are in control. If you do it mindfully, it also gives you the time to think about what’s stressing you out.

    The most obvious benefit of cleaning is of course the clean space which follows! This helps reduce anxiety and is a form of self care. It feels so refreshing to come back to a clean space and every time you see it, you give yourselves a small pat on your back. 🙂

    Finally cleaning your space can help you get into a self care ritual. It just tells yourselves that you matter and the space around you matter. Keeping the space tidy and functional helps you be more in control of your life and having tackled this challenge, however small it may seem, you feel more confident to take on bigger challenges in your life.