deepcontemplator

thinking deeply about things that matter

Tag: life

  • Joys of taking the road already taken

    Joys of taking the road already taken

    Trying out new things and places gets so much air time in modern society. Social media is always abuzz with the new cool places in town you have to try!

    But once in a while going back to those lanes which you have traversed innumerable times has joys of its own.

    There is definitely merit to exploring new places, paths and people. Without the human nature of curiosity and exploration, we would not have progressed so much. At the same time, going back to those known alleys and people can give you solace and comfort.

    There is a great joy in coming back home.

    So give yourself the permission to stay put or go back when you feel like. When you are hit by a bout of nostalgia and want to traverse the route to your college. Or to simply wander through the temple lined street you saw for years from your classroom window. For sure things would have changed and you may no longer recognize complete lanes!

    But its okay to be ‘boring’ and go back to the same place. Places which will always stay close to your heart.

  • Not perfection, but sincerity and consistency

    When we start doing something new, we often get discouraged pretty soon by the results not being good enough. If we are just starting out on something, it must be expected that it will not be so great in the beginning. For instance, the first couple of months at a gym or a new workout can be excruciating and feel miserable. But once you start developing muscle memory, things get better. Even though you keep challenging yourself, you know what to expect and there is the self fulfilling cycle of results and effort.

    So a better way of looking at progress is to work our best, with sincerity and be consistent. We do need to make the effort to learn and keep improving continuously. Anything worthwhile will take a long time to achieve. We need to set our expectations accordingly.

    It can be tempting to get discouraged by those initial days/months of crappy results. But we need to just keep putting in the work, even on those days where we are not motivated.

    Its often helpful to focus on the process than on the outcome. As long as we are enjoying what we are doing, we are already getting the benefit from it.

  • An ode to trying

    Do you have those times when you feel like you tried everything, felt like you did all the right things, followed the books and articles. and yet the result was quite not as you expected.

    It can be immensely saddening when things don’t go our way, especially after all that thought and effort. Some stoic philosophy can come to rescue at such times. By extricating yourself from the result, you get some perspective to accept everything with grace and humility.

    However, despite all the setbacks, you have to just wake up daily, show up and keep trying.

    Whatever making an effort means to you that day.

    Maybe just the plain act of getting up and sitting down to think. This does not mean that you keep making the same mistake (if at all any) or do not take time to reflect and grow from the experience. But you learn to be more gentle with yourself, sit with your feelings and emotions with compassion and be that friend who is just there for you.

    I have realized how it helps to be hopeful. To not write anything off. To give everything the time and space to bloom, not trying to forcefully mold it. Maybe today is not the day, some other time. The same gift, or a totally different one.

    Until then you keep trying, and smile through it, as much as you can. 🙂

  • Walking, without distractions

    I have always been a walker. I was lucky to attend a college which was within a couple of kilometers from my house. So most days I would walk back home. The pleasant Bangalore weather and walkable roads definitely helped.

    This habit has stuck along and I take a walk daily now as well. I used to listen to my favorite podcasts or some high powered music during these walks. That would mean some days these walks would get extended because of an interesting podcast episode or so.

    But of late though I have started to take walks without any music or other distractions. And it has been refreshing to say the least!

    We are nudged towards multitasking in this age filled with technology and devices. At a time when we want to get the most buck for our time, it can feel scary to take time daily for something trivial as a walk around the house. This beautiful and simple act of taking a plain old walk without any distraction has become a luxury. 

    The quiet walks have helped me relax and slow down.

    Thoughts which keep popping up, but after some time you learn to notice them and let them go. On difficult days, it gives me the space to notice and listen to my feelings and emotions. On most days, these would get submerged beneath all the other distractions adding into the pile of unresolved issues.

    I realized I have begun to notice things which were in plain sight but never paid much attention earlier. Like the sand blowing at my face at a construction site, the yells of cricket players in the playground or the chirping of the lone bird on a tree. If I am lucky I also get to catch a glimpse of the sunset and the various hues the sky takes.

    I still do listen to music and/or podcasts on days when I really need a break. But the other times, when I walk without any distraction, the experience only seems to be getting better with each walk.

  • The art of letting things, and people, be.

    Some time ago I posted a quick sketch I made on social media. It wasn’t my best but I just wanted to post it, spontaneously. Got a few likes, but one friend commented on what was ‘lacking’ in the sketch and how I can ‘fix’ it.

    We have seen this many times, and I must confess I have done this too in the past. A friend is learning to cook and makes a dish, and you quickly comment what is missing. Or you compliment someone on their dress but quickly add how it can be enhanced.

    It took me a while to understand how we put everything someone does under scrutiny, even when it not needed. Unsolicited feedback, even if you are knowledgeable and an expert in that field, is just that, unwanted!

    Not everything which is created needs to be perfect. And like me, at times, one might just be having fun and exploring new hobbies and passions. In more subjective things like art and food, there is no one standard to impose on everyone. And definitely not so, if one didn’t explicitly ask for feedback.

    So now I try to look at things with an open and curious mind. Many a times you can be pleasantly surprised at how other people do the same things, differently. Its a great learning opportunity to understand and appreciate the many ways of creating/doing something.

    A quick sketch may be far from perfect for a trained eye.

    But there lies the beauty, in it being imperfect, but real and personal!

  • Serendipity of running into your friends

    Serendipity of running into your friends

    Imagine walking down a street after a lunch with friends, still indulged in animated conversation with them. Suddenly you run into a another long forgotten friend coming down from the other side. Its both delightful and pleasantly surprising.

    I have had such encounters many times now, meeting known faces in least expected circumstances. Being born, brought up and now living in the same city, even a large one like Bengaluru with ~84L population, still gives enough opportunities for chance encounters.

    The friend I met that day on the street, we got talking and realized we stay quite close. That restarted the next phase of our friendship, one separated from the previous one by close to ten years.

    Such chance encounters spark such great joy in me.

    It need not be something which turns into a long lasting relationship, but running into a known face in a bus, at a temple city or at a relative’s social event adds a charm and provides highlights in your otherwise routine life. If those encounters are positive, it can make an otherwise not so memorable activity also interesting.

    So even with the limited outings I go now, sometimes just thinking of a possible serendipitous encounter makes me smile and open my eyes more. 🙂

  • Why I attend social events

    Why I attend social events

    Being a Bangalorean and staying in the same city accords me some privileges. One major one is option to visit my relatives and friends. At least pre-pandemic, that meant an invitation to an array of weddings, naming ceremonies and other myriad social events which make the fabric of an extended Indian family.

    One thing you notice about any social event you go is that usually the majority of people are seniors. When I was younger I used to pray fervently that my cousins turn up for the event, only to figure out later that only a trickle of them made it. I am not sure of the reason. Usually the younger generation tries to shy away from any family social gathering unless it’s under their parents’ force!

    But I have always been keen to attend family events. (The very healthy and and tasty baleyale oota definitely has a role to play in it)

    But if I think about it, maybe there’s something more than just the food. When I was in my school, during our chapter on astronomy, our teacher made this statement

    The people you see at social events are like stars in a constellation. Some old, some young, married, ill, morose or lively.

    That thought has stayed on with me. Its such a beautiful way to visualize the diversity of folks at any family event. Yes you might not like them all, you might have to endure judgmental insinuations, bland jokes and artificial cordiality.

    But you get to see a tiny cross section of humanity in that room.

    You see people at different stages of their life, all with their own struggles, yet trying to put their best foot. Some trying to impress, some waiting to be seen, some just giving out a kind smile.

    And when you all get together for a group picture, it definitely looks like a constellation.

  • Letting go, and moving on

    Letting go, and moving on

    One of the not so pleasant realizations of entering your adulthood is that everything changes. People who you thought would forever stay for you, friends who you had decided to get old with, an office where you saw yourself for years, all of them at some point fade away.

    The separation can be circumstantial, a high voltage dramatic end or just two entities on different paths slowly drifting apart. And even years later if you do get back together, its childish to expect things to be the same as earlier. A more realistic approach would be to blend the past into the narrative and continue from there, neither ashamed nor in denial but with full acceptance.

    You need to learn to let go. Of things, of people, of ideas.

    You are a constantly evolving version of yourself. So are others and hence there are bound to be differences. With few, the trajectory can become so divergent that trying to maintain the relationship does not make sense and in fact could be constant fuel for conflict and hurt.

    When you let go, you are not denying its existence or the power it held over you at some point. In fact you could lovingly look back to few memories or people even long after you have drifted apart and chosen a different path. But letting go can be seen as a natural purge. A space emptied gives room for something new to fill.

    It might be a natural transition to a more authentic and true version of yourself, so embrace it.

    The next time you decide to let go of something or someone, do it. Maybe with folded hands and moist eyes for all the good times. but also with a gentle smile looking forward to a new future.

  • Why you need to show up. Always.

    Why you need to show up. Always.

    Show up. Consistency. Compounding. Kaizen. Habits.

    I believe these are all different ways to put forth the same general idea. Anything which you do (or be) consistently gathers momentum and has a great positive (or negative) impact on your life.

    Showing up is the first step to make any change which you intend to see in yourself.

    A few years ago I joined a gym, which claimed that all I needed to was show up everyday and they will take care of the rest. It sounded pretty simple and achievable and stuck with me. Even on days when I was feeling lazy/tired/not exactly motivated, I would muster just enough willpower to land at the gym door. And once there I would give my best anyway.

    For the first time I became consistent with my fitness and started to experience real results after a few months. The momentum put me in a motivation cycle where the results pushed me to eat healthier, commit to fitness and in general take better care of myself.

    But showing up is not always easy.

    Especially when it’s uncomfortable to show up. Whenever you are stepping foot in a new arena, say a dance class, a presentation, a date or an interview, you are making yourself vulnerable. Its scary, yes. Its okay to be fearful, but you do it anyway. And even in the worst case, you would have at least learnt something about yourself or the world in the process which you can channel into your growth.

    Though it may sound simple and inconsequent, like missing gym or blogging for a day wouldn’t make a difference. But real change, your journey towards reaching your potential, happens with those tiny repeated steps.

    When you decide and show up for yourself, consistently, and sincerely.

  • Importance of the why?

    Importance of the why?

    So for a lot of things in life, to succeed, you need to build the skill, have perseverance, maybe have some luck as well. But the most important question of all, which will decide the amount of work you are willing to put in is the why.

    You often see this is in motivational talks or those iron pumping movies, where the protagonist is asked how badly do you want your goal. And I think whatever goals we set ourselves to, we must first clear the intention and the reason to ourselves.

    If its a long term, hard goal, like raising kids, a long career, it becomes even more pertinent that you consciously choose what you are doing and take some time to reflect and figure why are you exactly doing it. As anything worth having is not easy and definitely not for the faint hearted. If your why is not clear and powerful, then you will very soon become disillusioned and demotivated to continue when the going gets tough.

    They say whenever you need to pursue something, ask yourself if this is a “Hell Yes/No I will/will not do it” or a whimpering yes/no. And if its the latter then its probably not worth your time and energy pursuing it.

    We all get limited time on earth, so better spend that doing things which we really love doing and excel at it.