deepcontemplator

thinking deeply about things that matter

Tag: selfdev

  • Should you say Yes, or No?

    Should you say Yes, or No?

    Self help literature usually asks you to say No to things by default, to avoid burnout and save your energy for things that really matter. But like any other maxim, it leads itself to over simplification.

    So I was pleasantly surprised when Atul Gawande (whose book Being Mortal I greatly admire), asked us to say yes until we are 40 in this podcast.

    This got me thinking on how saying yes, within limits and based on how much you can chew at a moment has its merits

    You become more open minded
    By saying yes, you allow serendipity and surprise to enter your life. Saying yes does not have to be anything big like a long online course. Even little things like a social event which you would normally skip, or a last minute booking for a theatre play can open up new ways of thinking.

    You understand your limits
    Just following along with many things will eventually expose your hard limits or attributes which you weren’t aware of. Such moments where you hit a bummer, if channeled and processed correctly can be a great opportunity to understand yourself better.

    You create space for new things
    To take on something new, you need to forgo something present or put it on the backburner. It means you have to critically look at your resources (time, energy and finances). Even if you end up declining the offer, it forces you to rethink whether you are using your resources for things that matter to you.

    You choose to say yes, mindfully
    By stepping up and choosing to lean into opportunities which interest you, you are signaling to yourself that you are making a choice and committing to something. There are times and perhaps areas in life where you won’t have much choice, like staying-in during a pandemic.

    But when you say yes, You are making the choice and you get to keep the promise you made to yourself.

    Saying yes doesn’t mean you need to follow through even after you discover information countering it.

    You gain a better understanding of your range, solidify your values and make your drive stronger for things which really matter.

  • Paying attention to attention

    I am currently doing a ten day pack on the meditation app Headspace on being present actively. It asks us to notice the level of focus and alertness we bring in life. Until I began noticing my level of attention, I was just sailing through a lot of times during the day. I believe given all the information overload around us, we tend to zone out frequently and multi task with the hope of conserving energy. But of course, the results are the opposite.

    A lot of time we get so immersed in an activity when we get into a flow state. This is definitely beneficial and lets us do our best work and enjoy it. However if you don’t pay attention to your attention ( 🙂 ) you might just be drifting from one task to another. Specially if its something mundane and routine.

    That’s where consciously noticing and bringing awareness to yourself and the activity which you are doing can be beneficial.

    It grounds you in the present moment, the reality. It frees from the shackles of the past or the worries about the future.

    When you bring awareness, start noticing your energy level and just the prominent underlying emotion, you start feeling more at ease.

    The idea is not to change anything drastically by noticing. We want to be just aware of how we are feeling, how active and alert our mind feels at different points through the day. This in my experience, can help focus better and notice any patterns which we might want to change.

  • Not perfection, but sincerity and consistency

    When we start doing something new, we often get discouraged pretty soon by the results not being good enough. If we are just starting out on something, it must be expected that it will not be so great in the beginning. For instance, the first couple of months at a gym or a new workout can be excruciating and feel miserable. But once you start developing muscle memory, things get better. Even though you keep challenging yourself, you know what to expect and there is the self fulfilling cycle of results and effort.

    So a better way of looking at progress is to work our best, with sincerity and be consistent. We do need to make the effort to learn and keep improving continuously. Anything worthwhile will take a long time to achieve. We need to set our expectations accordingly.

    It can be tempting to get discouraged by those initial days/months of crappy results. But we need to just keep putting in the work, even on those days where we are not motivated.

    Its often helpful to focus on the process than on the outcome. As long as we are enjoying what we are doing, we are already getting the benefit from it.

  • Walking, without distractions

    I have always been a walker. I was lucky to attend a college which was within a couple of kilometers from my house. So most days I would walk back home. The pleasant Bangalore weather and walkable roads definitely helped.

    This habit has stuck along and I take a walk daily now as well. I used to listen to my favorite podcasts or some high powered music during these walks. That would mean some days these walks would get extended because of an interesting podcast episode or so.

    But of late though I have started to take walks without any music or other distractions. And it has been refreshing to say the least!

    We are nudged towards multitasking in this age filled with technology and devices. At a time when we want to get the most buck for our time, it can feel scary to take time daily for something trivial as a walk around the house. This beautiful and simple act of taking a plain old walk without any distraction has become a luxury. 

    The quiet walks have helped me relax and slow down.

    Thoughts which keep popping up, but after some time you learn to notice them and let them go. On difficult days, it gives me the space to notice and listen to my feelings and emotions. On most days, these would get submerged beneath all the other distractions adding into the pile of unresolved issues.

    I realized I have begun to notice things which were in plain sight but never paid much attention earlier. Like the sand blowing at my face at a construction site, the yells of cricket players in the playground or the chirping of the lone bird on a tree. If I am lucky I also get to catch a glimpse of the sunset and the various hues the sky takes.

    I still do listen to music and/or podcasts on days when I really need a break. But the other times, when I walk without any distraction, the experience only seems to be getting better with each walk.

  • On reading

    On reading

    One rainy evening in Bengaluru, we were in a special English class for GRE preparation, waiting for rains to subside so that we could leave. The English teacher, who we all adored, dusted off the chalk from her notes and sat down on her chair and started speaking casually. Like how a tired mother done with all the chores at the end of the day would sit with her kids to speak.

    She said

    I hope you all pick up the habit of reading. Not because it will give you a good vocabulary and help you score higher in the exam. But, as you start reading, you realize that you are becoming a better person.

    Until then though I had multiple false starts trying to pick up reading as a habit and the motivation was always directed outwards – To show others that I am a reader too. To get into the smart people read club.

    But after hearing what she said that day, which to even this date I keep thinking of, I think reading became a more inward directed activity. And I began to identify myself as a reader. Of course reading can be still be sometimes a show of vanity, with the undeclared competition which happens over Goodreads feed with your reading friends.

    But what my teacher said that day is true. From that day (close to 12 years ago) I have read more than 100 books. And I don’t know if I can certify myself to be a better person now! But I am definitely a much more rounded and well informed person, and a part of it can be credited to my habit of reading.

    Reading fiction helps you get into the psyche of people totally different than you in terms of their circumstance, life stage or background. It makes you more empathetic and in general more warm to all kinds of people out there.

    I read a lot of non-fiction as well. They give you great perspectives on different viewpoints and many are distillations of the works of luminaries over almost their entire lifetime.

    There is an oft-quoted

    The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.

    If you have the time, opportunity, privilege and inclination to read, then I ask you to give it a try. And like my English teacher said that rainy day, maybe it will change you, for the better! 🙂

  • Importance of the why?

    Importance of the why?

    So for a lot of things in life, to succeed, you need to build the skill, have perseverance, maybe have some luck as well. But the most important question of all, which will decide the amount of work you are willing to put in is the why.

    You often see this is in motivational talks or those iron pumping movies, where the protagonist is asked how badly do you want your goal. And I think whatever goals we set ourselves to, we must first clear the intention and the reason to ourselves.

    If its a long term, hard goal, like raising kids, a long career, it becomes even more pertinent that you consciously choose what you are doing and take some time to reflect and figure why are you exactly doing it. As anything worth having is not easy and definitely not for the faint hearted. If your why is not clear and powerful, then you will very soon become disillusioned and demotivated to continue when the going gets tough.

    They say whenever you need to pursue something, ask yourself if this is a “Hell Yes/No I will/will not do it” or a whimpering yes/no. And if its the latter then its probably not worth your time and energy pursuing it.

    We all get limited time on earth, so better spend that doing things which we really love doing and excel at it.

  • Charm of reading physical books

    Charm of reading physical books

    One of the many things which has got upended by digitalization is the concept of physical books. In the age of mobile phones and kindles, people still sticking to read from a physical book is dwindling. It might well be on the same path as newspapers. As apps overtake the news market, newspaper which once was essential in every house, has no longer been able to retain that position.

    A mobile phone or kindle has lots of benefits when it comes to reading. You can stuff literally thousand of books in one tablet, read through the night, carry it around easily on your travels, not have to worry about charging frequently. But the charm of physical books remain.

    Physical books not only serve to the intellect but the tactile feedback of holding a book and flipping through the pages cannot be delivered by an electronic device. As humans, paper is one medium which we have been making, writing on, reading from and creating. Vicky Tan, a designer at Spotify, mentions in this podcast how paper is a versatile medium which has been associated with humans from historical times.

    The act of reading a physical book can also be seen as a signaling mechanism that you are not frivolously whiling away your time on screen! If you want children to pick up reading, then probably one of the things is that they should see others, specially their parents reading books as well.

    And having a stack of books, though unfinished gives a visual reminder of all that knowledge which has been left unexplored!.

  • Why I do Yoga

    Why I do Yoga

    So the earliest I wanted to join a Yoga class was when I was around 13-14 years old, when Yoga was not as popular as it is today. Well but I didn’t join then, fast forward to almost 15 years later, I stepped into my first yoga class at the gym. And the moment I stepped on to the mat, I have never looked back since. (except when you are twisting backwards!)

    After a few months of practice, I did start seeing some changes in my body. But I used to do other forms of workout as well so its hard to figure how much of the physical changes can be attributed to yoga alone.

    As I started practicing longer, I started to get more curious about the benefits I supposedly must be seeing from all the asanas. So I frantically looked up each pose, the cat, cow, camel and see the myriad benefits its supposed to offer, from reducing stress to chronic back pain to releasing stored trauma in the body. Well perhaps I did see some of these benefits but I realized something more profound.

    Like your journey through life, your journey through yoga is also a personal one.

    The benefits one attains from practice can only be experienced. And since all of us are different, our bodies are different, yoga has different benefits for each of us. And it is our responsibility to just follow the practice, without any expectations and just observe ourselves as we are.

    Definitely yoga will benefit everyone, but how, can be answered only by you.