deepcontemplator

thinking deeply about things that matter

Tag: selfdevelopment

Not perfection, but sincerity and consistency

When we start doing something new, we often get discouraged pretty soon by the results not being good enough. If we are just starting out on something, it must be expected that it will not be so great in the beginning. For instance, the first couple of months at a gym or a new workout can be excruciating and feel miserable. But once you start developing muscle memory, things get better. Even though you keep challenging yourself, you know what to expect and there is the self fulfilling cycle of results and effort.

So a better way of looking at progress is to work our best, with sincerity and be consistent. We do need to make the effort to learn and keep improving continuously. Anything worthwhile will take a long time to achieve. We need to set our expectations accordingly.

It can be tempting to get discouraged by those initial days/months of crappy results. But we need to just keep putting in the work, even on those days where we are not motivated.

Its often helpful to focus on the process than on the outcome. As long as we are enjoying what we are doing, we are already getting the benefit from it.

January 11, 2022
Why you need to show up. Always.
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Show up. Consistency. Compounding. Kaizen. Habits.
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I believe these are all different ways to put forth the same general idea. Anything which you do (or be) consistently gathers momentum and has a great positive (or negative) impact on your life.
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Showing up is the first step to make any change which you intend to see in yourself. 
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A few years ago I joined a gym, which claimed that all I needed to was show up everyday and they will take care of the rest. It sounded pretty simple and achievable and stuck with me. Even on days when I was feeling lazy/tired/not exactly motivated, I would muster just enough willpower to land at the gym door. And once there I would give my best anyway.

For the first time I became consistent with my fitness and started to experience real results after a few months. The momentum put me in a motivation cycle where the results pushed me to eat healthier, commit to fitness and in general take better care of myself.

But showing up is not always easy.

Especially when it’s uncomfortable to show up. Whenever you are stepping foot in a new arena, say a dance class, a presentation, a date or an interview, you are making yourself vulnerable. Its scary, yes. Its okay to be fearful, but you do it anyway. And even in the worst case, you would have at least learnt something about yourself or the world in the process which you can channel into your growth.

Though it may sound simple and inconsequent, like missing gym or blogging for a day wouldn’t make a difference. But real change, your journey towards reaching your potential, happens with those tiny repeated steps.

When you decide and show up for yourself, consistently, and sincerely.
October 25, 2021
Importance of the why?

So for a lot of things in life, to succeed, you need to build the skill, have perseverance, maybe have some luck as well. But the most important question of all, which will decide the amount of work you are willing to put in is the why.

You often see this is in motivational talks or those iron pumping movies, where the protagonist is asked how badly do you want your goal. And I think whatever goals we set ourselves to, we must first clear the intention and the reason to ourselves.

If its a long term, hard goal, like raising kids, a long career, it becomes even more pertinent that you consciously choose what you are doing and take some time to reflect and figure why are you exactly doing it. As anything worth having is not easy and definitely not for the faint hearted. If your why is not clear and powerful, then you will very soon become disillusioned and demotivated to continue when the going gets tough.

They say whenever you need to pursue something, ask yourself if this is a “Hell Yes/No I will/will not do it” or a whimpering yes/no. And if its the latter then its probably not worth your time and energy pursuing it.

We all get limited time on earth, so better spend that doing things which we really love doing and excel at it.

October 17, 2021
How to listen to life

In a recent podcast about venture capital investing, the speaker stressed on the need of a startup founder to be a good listener of the market. A founder needs to be attuned to what the market is saying so that they do not miss out on important signals and hence make course corrections when needed.

This thought me thinking about how important it is at an individual level as well to be “listening” to various aspects of your life. You need to seek out and be aware of feedback. Specially those which makes you a bit uncomfortable and you want to dismiss instinctively.

Some of the strategies I use to be a better listener

Listening to your body

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
– Rumi

This is a big one and the easiest to silence or miss. Its easy to start believing that the mind is most important and the control center and we need to lead through our minds. The body is always giving you signals. Only when you sit at peace with yourself and let the body surface, you realize how intelligent the body is.

I was learning contemporary dance a few years ago and it was frustrating when I ‘got’ a dance movement in my head but was unable to execute it. My teacher would then ask us to let the movement sink in and settle down in the body. And in fact after a week or so, the body would get the movement and you no longer would need to actually think hard about doing it.

Meditation helps in settling down all the incessant thoughts and techniques like body scan helps increase body awareness. And its not that you need to fix everything you feel in your body, but its more about letting your body be heard and acknowledged.

Listening to your internal voice

Our internal voice is our constant companion. It might be a bitter friend or could be our all season cheerleader and confidante. And the voice can take different tones just in the course of a day.

It might feel tempting to listen to our voice when its warm and uplifting and shut it down by dousing it in self hate or self doubt or shame other times. But it is important to hear to our internal voice fully and patiently.

It doesn’t mean we act on it or believe all that it is saying. But the mere acknowledgement and embracing it fully as something which is valid is the only way to move further. This gives us the opportunity to engage with it rationally, to examine its roots and do the right thing anyway afterwards.

Listening to others around you

This might come across as easy, trivial even. On the one end there are the physical aspects of being a good listener including keeping your mouth shut, not finishing off the other person’s sentences, really listening to the other person and not just waiting to interject or make a counter.

But the more nuanced and oft missed practice, is to listen with an open mind and compassion. We need to make it easy and inviting for someone to have a healthy conversation even when we know we might not like what they are going to say.

One such realization I have had recently is to really listen during those heated discussions and moments of conflict. At times that’s when people might give you a hint of what they are really thinking or how you made them feel. Now it might not all be true and its convenient to rubbish those signals as outbursts of anger. But there might be gold within all that mud, when examined carefully with a clear mind.

Conclusion

Listening to both internally and externally is really important. Of course the more information you get, the more you need to sift through the noise and pick the right signals.

But we need to be always attuned and willing to listen, else we might keep making the same mistakes until we ‘get’ the lesson.

And sometimes, the lesson is in obvious plain sight.

October 10, 2021