deepcontemplator

thinking deeply about things that matter

Tag: Thoughts

  • An ode to trying

    Do you have those times when you feel like you tried everything, felt like you did all the right things, followed the books and articles. and yet the result was quite not as you expected.

    It can be immensely saddening when things don’t go our way, especially after all that thought and effort. Some stoic philosophy can come to rescue at such times. By extricating yourself from the result, you get some perspective to accept everything with grace and humility.

    However, despite all the setbacks, you have to just wake up daily, show up and keep trying.

    Whatever making an effort means to you that day.

    Maybe just the plain act of getting up and sitting down to think. This does not mean that you keep making the same mistake (if at all any) or do not take time to reflect and grow from the experience. But you learn to be more gentle with yourself, sit with your feelings and emotions with compassion and be that friend who is just there for you.

    I have realized how it helps to be hopeful. To not write anything off. To give everything the time and space to bloom, not trying to forcefully mold it. Maybe today is not the day, some other time. The same gift, or a totally different one.

    Until then you keep trying, and smile through it, as much as you can. 🙂

  • Walking, without distractions

    I have always been a walker. I was lucky to attend a college which was within a couple of kilometers from my house. So most days I would walk back home. The pleasant Bangalore weather and walkable roads definitely helped.

    This habit has stuck along and I take a walk daily now as well. I used to listen to my favorite podcasts or some high powered music during these walks. That would mean some days these walks would get extended because of an interesting podcast episode or so.

    But of late though I have started to take walks without any music or other distractions. And it has been refreshing to say the least!

    We are nudged towards multitasking in this age filled with technology and devices. At a time when we want to get the most buck for our time, it can feel scary to take time daily for something trivial as a walk around the house. This beautiful and simple act of taking a plain old walk without any distraction has become a luxury. 

    The quiet walks have helped me relax and slow down.

    Thoughts which keep popping up, but after some time you learn to notice them and let them go. On difficult days, it gives me the space to notice and listen to my feelings and emotions. On most days, these would get submerged beneath all the other distractions adding into the pile of unresolved issues.

    I realized I have begun to notice things which were in plain sight but never paid much attention earlier. Like the sand blowing at my face at a construction site, the yells of cricket players in the playground or the chirping of the lone bird on a tree. If I am lucky I also get to catch a glimpse of the sunset and the various hues the sky takes.

    I still do listen to music and/or podcasts on days when I really need a break. But the other times, when I walk without any distraction, the experience only seems to be getting better with each walk.

  • Serendipity of running into your friends

    Serendipity of running into your friends

    Imagine walking down a street after a lunch with friends, still indulged in animated conversation with them. Suddenly you run into a another long forgotten friend coming down from the other side. Its both delightful and pleasantly surprising.

    I have had such encounters many times now, meeting known faces in least expected circumstances. Being born, brought up and now living in the same city, even a large one like Bengaluru with ~84L population, still gives enough opportunities for chance encounters.

    The friend I met that day on the street, we got talking and realized we stay quite close. That restarted the next phase of our friendship, one separated from the previous one by close to ten years.

    Such chance encounters spark such great joy in me.

    It need not be something which turns into a long lasting relationship, but running into a known face in a bus, at a temple city or at a relative’s social event adds a charm and provides highlights in your otherwise routine life. If those encounters are positive, it can make an otherwise not so memorable activity also interesting.

    So even with the limited outings I go now, sometimes just thinking of a possible serendipitous encounter makes me smile and open my eyes more. 🙂

  • Why I attend social events

    Why I attend social events

    Being a Bangalorean and staying in the same city accords me some privileges. One major one is option to visit my relatives and friends. At least pre-pandemic, that meant an invitation to an array of weddings, naming ceremonies and other myriad social events which make the fabric of an extended Indian family.

    One thing you notice about any social event you go is that usually the majority of people are seniors. When I was younger I used to pray fervently that my cousins turn up for the event, only to figure out later that only a trickle of them made it. I am not sure of the reason. Usually the younger generation tries to shy away from any family social gathering unless it’s under their parents’ force!

    But I have always been keen to attend family events. (The very healthy and and tasty baleyale oota definitely has a role to play in it)

    But if I think about it, maybe there’s something more than just the food. When I was in my school, during our chapter on astronomy, our teacher made this statement

    The people you see at social events are like stars in a constellation. Some old, some young, married, ill, morose or lively.

    That thought has stayed on with me. Its such a beautiful way to visualize the diversity of folks at any family event. Yes you might not like them all, you might have to endure judgmental insinuations, bland jokes and artificial cordiality.

    But you get to see a tiny cross section of humanity in that room.

    You see people at different stages of their life, all with their own struggles, yet trying to put their best foot. Some trying to impress, some waiting to be seen, some just giving out a kind smile.

    And when you all get together for a group picture, it definitely looks like a constellation.

  • Letting go, and moving on

    Letting go, and moving on

    One of the not so pleasant realizations of entering your adulthood is that everything changes. People who you thought would forever stay for you, friends who you had decided to get old with, an office where you saw yourself for years, all of them at some point fade away.

    The separation can be circumstantial, a high voltage dramatic end or just two entities on different paths slowly drifting apart. And even years later if you do get back together, its childish to expect things to be the same as earlier. A more realistic approach would be to blend the past into the narrative and continue from there, neither ashamed nor in denial but with full acceptance.

    You need to learn to let go. Of things, of people, of ideas.

    You are a constantly evolving version of yourself. So are others and hence there are bound to be differences. With few, the trajectory can become so divergent that trying to maintain the relationship does not make sense and in fact could be constant fuel for conflict and hurt.

    When you let go, you are not denying its existence or the power it held over you at some point. In fact you could lovingly look back to few memories or people even long after you have drifted apart and chosen a different path. But letting go can be seen as a natural purge. A space emptied gives room for something new to fill.

    It might be a natural transition to a more authentic and true version of yourself, so embrace it.

    The next time you decide to let go of something or someone, do it. Maybe with folded hands and moist eyes for all the good times. but also with a gentle smile looking forward to a new future.

  • Why you need to show up. Always.

    Why you need to show up. Always.

    Show up. Consistency. Compounding. Kaizen. Habits.

    I believe these are all different ways to put forth the same general idea. Anything which you do (or be) consistently gathers momentum and has a great positive (or negative) impact on your life.

    Showing up is the first step to make any change which you intend to see in yourself.

    A few years ago I joined a gym, which claimed that all I needed to was show up everyday and they will take care of the rest. It sounded pretty simple and achievable and stuck with me. Even on days when I was feeling lazy/tired/not exactly motivated, I would muster just enough willpower to land at the gym door. And once there I would give my best anyway.

    For the first time I became consistent with my fitness and started to experience real results after a few months. The momentum put me in a motivation cycle where the results pushed me to eat healthier, commit to fitness and in general take better care of myself.

    But showing up is not always easy.

    Especially when it’s uncomfortable to show up. Whenever you are stepping foot in a new arena, say a dance class, a presentation, a date or an interview, you are making yourself vulnerable. Its scary, yes. Its okay to be fearful, but you do it anyway. And even in the worst case, you would have at least learnt something about yourself or the world in the process which you can channel into your growth.

    Though it may sound simple and inconsequent, like missing gym or blogging for a day wouldn’t make a difference. But real change, your journey towards reaching your potential, happens with those tiny repeated steps.

    When you decide and show up for yourself, consistently, and sincerely.

  • On reading

    On reading

    One rainy evening in Bengaluru, we were in a special English class for GRE preparation, waiting for rains to subside so that we could leave. The English teacher, who we all adored, dusted off the chalk from her notes and sat down on her chair and started speaking casually. Like how a tired mother done with all the chores at the end of the day would sit with her kids to speak.

    She said

    I hope you all pick up the habit of reading. Not because it will give you a good vocabulary and help you score higher in the exam. But, as you start reading, you realize that you are becoming a better person.

    Until then though I had multiple false starts trying to pick up reading as a habit and the motivation was always directed outwards – To show others that I am a reader too. To get into the smart people read club.

    But after hearing what she said that day, which to even this date I keep thinking of, I think reading became a more inward directed activity. And I began to identify myself as a reader. Of course reading can be still be sometimes a show of vanity, with the undeclared competition which happens over Goodreads feed with your reading friends.

    But what my teacher said that day is true. From that day (close to 12 years ago) I have read more than 100 books. And I don’t know if I can certify myself to be a better person now! But I am definitely a much more rounded and well informed person, and a part of it can be credited to my habit of reading.

    Reading fiction helps you get into the psyche of people totally different than you in terms of their circumstance, life stage or background. It makes you more empathetic and in general more warm to all kinds of people out there.

    I read a lot of non-fiction as well. They give you great perspectives on different viewpoints and many are distillations of the works of luminaries over almost their entire lifetime.

    There is an oft-quoted

    The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.

    If you have the time, opportunity, privilege and inclination to read, then I ask you to give it a try. And like my English teacher said that rainy day, maybe it will change you, for the better! 🙂

  • Life is all about how to manage your money, energy and time

    Life is all about how to manage your money, energy and time

    As you keep growing up, different aspects take the center stage at different life stages. Once you get into adulthood, and you are past the initial days of euphoria of earning, enjoying great freedoms and even financial leeway to an extent, things start to settle down. And sometime in your late 20s or early 30s it hits you that the most important resource of all perhaps is your time rather than your money.

    Along with time, and money, you also realize that on a daily basis irrespective of these two factors, what you can achieve is dependent heavily on your energy level. So we always need to keep optimizing that we are spending these three very precious and limited resources mindfully and in alignment with our values and deliberately chosen goals.

    Money

    Yes money is an important aspect in one’s life, and a stark lack of it can actually make it extremely difficult to lead a decent life or spend time towards self improvement. But after a certain limit, it is also shown by research how making more money does not necessarily result in a great increase in happiness. So financial stability is a basic human need, but for those who are fortunate to reach a certain level with their money reserve, it no longer controls their life completely.

    Energy

    We all have limited energy every given day. Though we could build good habits like exercise, eating good food, maintaining a sleep cycle to increase and sustain our energy levels, we need to remember that it is highly dependent on our age, type of job and other responsibilities which we would have. But our energy tanks can be refueled up to a certain level and count in a day and we can allocate our energy according to that.

    Time

    This is probably the most important resource of all, for once its spent, there is no way we can get it back. And its always being spent, whether or not you want it! But in a way it is also the greatest leveler in an otherwise highly unequal world. Hence its of paramount importance that you are extremely mindful and deliberate on how you spend your time.

    Like they say, life is short, but if you do it right, living once is enough.

  • Charm of reading physical books

    Charm of reading physical books

    One of the many things which has got upended by digitalization is the concept of physical books. In the age of mobile phones and kindles, people still sticking to read from a physical book is dwindling. It might well be on the same path as newspapers. As apps overtake the news market, newspaper which once was essential in every house, has no longer been able to retain that position.

    A mobile phone or kindle has lots of benefits when it comes to reading. You can stuff literally thousand of books in one tablet, read through the night, carry it around easily on your travels, not have to worry about charging frequently. But the charm of physical books remain.

    Physical books not only serve to the intellect but the tactile feedback of holding a book and flipping through the pages cannot be delivered by an electronic device. As humans, paper is one medium which we have been making, writing on, reading from and creating. Vicky Tan, a designer at Spotify, mentions in this podcast how paper is a versatile medium which has been associated with humans from historical times.

    The act of reading a physical book can also be seen as a signaling mechanism that you are not frivolously whiling away your time on screen! If you want children to pick up reading, then probably one of the things is that they should see others, specially their parents reading books as well.

    And having a stack of books, though unfinished gives a visual reminder of all that knowledge which has been left unexplored!.